


Hazbin and Helluva's R.E.D.

by animechess69



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Character Death, EVERYONE'S HUMAN, F/M, Gun Violence, Kidnapping, M/M, Maybe Stockholm syndrome, finally figured out tags more, little bit of Vaggie and Charlie, little bit of stolas/blitzo, on the lam, physical fighting, retired badasses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:07:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29752449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animechess69/pseuds/animechess69
Summary: Husk is a retired, restless man and Angel is a just as restless cubicle cog. When both of their lives are targeted, they become a different kind of restless
Relationships: Alastor/Rosie (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I tried asking Furby before to make a parody of R.E.D. but there was literally no way they could have. None of their friends had it, they wanted to avoid pirated sites, and the legal options demanded money. I thought I couldn't have the parody I wanted. Then I thought, "I can do it! I don't give a fuck about pirated sites on my computer!" Though, as much as I found the first movie for free, I relented for the sequel and had my uncle buy it for me on Amazon.
> 
> Now some characters you might want to see, I thought they would be better suited for the sequel, which is why I watched it first before doing the casting. Like Mimzy, I was gonna have her here but then there's a role in the sequel that I think is better for her.
> 
> Also, I think I changed the pronouns properly but I could have missed some. So please tell if you spot it and where so I can fix it. In any case, I hope you like the parody!

Chapter 1 - Routine

In a house, a clock says 5:59 and then changes to 6 in the morning. A rather old man, Husk, was lying in bed but then slowly got up when the clock changed and gone off. Husk sat in bed for a few seconds before getting up to grab his sweater.

He stepped down the stairs and walked into the kitchen. Husk swiped the pills from his table and put them in his mouth, swallowing them better with his mug of coffee. Husk exercised in the basement, doing sit-ups and whacking away at a punching bag. When that was done, he walked into the dining room as he gone through his mail.

One of the letters was from the regional financial center. Husk looked at it and then made a phone call, listing a bunch of numbers, sitting on a chair in the living room as he did so. Husk waited for a representative until it got to one named Anthony, or as he likes to be called more, Angel. Angel hit a button with his elbow.

In monotone, Angel said, “Hi, this is Anthony.”

Husk said, “This is Husk Moses.”

Angel instantly perked. “Hey. Husky, what’s goin’ on?”

Husk replied, “Not much. I just called because they didn’t send that damn check out again.” Of course, he looks at the check he’s holding during this exchange.

Angel made a sound of sympathy and then, “I can’t believe they haven’t fixed this by now. I’ll make sure they send ‘nother one out today. I am _so_ sorry.”

Angel did some quick work to sort out the perceived issue being reported, having grabbed something to write with.

“Well,” Husk said as he tore the check in half, “what are you gonna fucking do?”

Putting a writing tool back, Angel asked, “how’s yer avocado?”

“It’s got two green leaves on it,” Husk answered, being able to actually see the plant on the kitchen table from where he’s sitting thanks to the doorways.

Angel gave a soft cheer. “See? I told ya that ya could grow somethin’.”

“It was pretty damn close; it was fucking life or death.”

Angel gave a laugh.

“I’m not fucking kidding. Could’ve gone either way. So how’s your day going?”

“My day… my day sucks.”

“Your day sucks?”

“Yeah… right now, I wanna travel, you know?” Angel takes a pamphlet, next to a wall in his cubicle that’s covered in pictures of different places around the world. “I’m thinkin’ Chile. It sounds like an adventure, I don’t know. Have ya ever been to Chile?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“You have?” Angel got a little more excited. “What’s it like?”

“…Mountains.”

“That’s it?”

“Well, it was night and uh…” A bit of stammering. “I was, um…”

Angel looks up to see one of her superiors glaring at him. “Look, I gotta go.”

More stammering from Frank and then, “ok, I-“

“Sorry, it’s Kiki.” Sarah presses the button to end the call.

He sees Kiki there, still glaring at him. With a shake of his head and a smile, he goes, “Wha?”

Husk goes in a self-chiding tone, “It was night?”

He places his phone down and takes out the trash. While he was out, a neighbor of his, Apple, was outside her door.

Apple greets, “Hi, Mr. Moses!”

Husk shouts ‘hi’ back.

Apple proceeds to put a wreath on the door and go back inside. Husk then takes a look around the neighborhood. He saw that practically every house he saw was decorated to the Christmas-y nines. Except for his completely bare house, that is.

The next thing Husk knew, he had planted a snowman on his porch and a trio of reindeer on his lawn, both decorations lighting up. Then he ate his lunch in the kitchen, only with the plant on the table for company. Husk walked into the dining room again and was going through his mail again. He saw the same kind of letter that made him call Angel again.

“Start that new book?”

“I did.”

“And? What’s it called?” Husk got a pen and some paper ready, making the writing tool click.

“Uh, it’s called ‘Love’s Savage Secret.”

“Damn, that's nice.” There was a stack of romance novels on the table where Husk was writing the title of the latest book. “Is it any good?”

“It’s terrible. I love it. It’s awful. It’s about this fashion designer and his supermodel girlfriend and they get recruited by the CIA to stop an assassination at the Milan Spring Shows.”

“Well… who doesn’t like Milan in the spring?”

“Anyway, I gotta do somethin’ for excitement. My landlady keeps tryin’ ta set me up with her bridge partners’ brats. She just told me she thinks I’m straight.”

“I try not to judge.”

Angel laughs as he says, “shut up. There just ain’t that good of men around.”

“That’s, uh, funny you say ‘around’. I’m actually going to be in Kansas City next week.”

“In person?”

A sound of confirmation from Husk.

“Wow. That could be a bad idea.”

“It could be.” There was a long enough silence for Husk to ask, “you still there?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Why don’t you call me when ya get ta town? Or… yeah.”

“Ok.”

“Ok, bye.” Angel presses the button to end the call and then slumps back into his chair. He breathes out to himself, “ok…”

Placing the phone down, Husk went, “All right…”

Later that night, Angel was in bed, reading the same book he talked about with Husk. However, he paused, placing the book down. He was thinking about something, likely about how Husk would be in town soon. Then Angel resumed reading. Husk was also in bed and reading the exact same book.


	2. Shit Starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot on the first chapter to say that I want to treat this as a thing that gets updated once a week. So I'll be trying to post a chapter or two every Sunday

Chapter 2 - Shit Starts

The snowman on the porch kept going on and off and the clock said 3:32 A.M. Husk got up, grabbed a robe, and walked down the stairs. As he walked to the kitchen, three armed people in the darkness followed him, carrying guns. Although, one was also carrying a syringe filled with no doubt some kind of deadly fluid.

When Husk closed the door behind him, lights turned on, the secret would-be attackers made signals among themselves to know when to strike. The moment they were ready, they crept towards the kitchen door. Then one kicked the door down and turned around, trying to find the target to shoot. However, the kitchen didn’t have any other people than the would-be shooter.

Then, upon the shooter in the kitchen turning back to his comrades, Husk popped up from the room behind the two in the hallway. He grabbed the closest one by the head and twisted it, slamming them against the wall. Husk punched another down. The final one, the one with the syringe, tried to attack. First, they tried punching with the gun. Then they tried to inject the fluid into Husk. However, Husk managed to block both attempts and even grabbed the hand with the syringe to inject it into the final guy. Once Husk was done giving the final guy his shot, he watched them drop their arms and fall to the floor, hitting the wall first.

Husk straightened his robe as he heard someone on the radio, “come on, unit one.” He heard the same words repeated as he looked at the bodies littering his home.

Then Husk heard, “unit one, respond” as he looked out the window with the snowman in front.

Husk took the magazine from the small gun of the syringe killer and went into the kitchen, turning off the lights. He grabbed a frying pan, placed it on the stove, dropped the bullets from the magazine, and poured oil on top of that. Then Husk left it like that, heading down to the basement. Once there, he started hitting the ground with a sledgehammer until, finally, he got to a case filled with money, passports, and a gun of his own.

The bullets were still being cooked as Husk packed and readied his gun. By the time he was done, the bullets in the frying pan went off. To the outside viewer, it would have looked like a shoot-out. It certainly seemed that way to three more secret shooters to start with their guns. They didn’t relent until several things were thoroughly destroyed. The snowman, the reindeer, the front porch, the kitchen furniture, a wall and window to the house. Finally, one of the attackers shot what turned out to be a small bomb that reaches several halls and a few rooms. For some strange reason, absolutely none of the neighbors heard any of that or came out to investigate.

Regardless, after the explosion, the attackers stepped inside and through the wreckage, trying to find Husk. When one turned to a window, one where Husk was waiting, Husk immediately fired his gun. It made that guy fly across the room and hit a wall, now dead.

The other two signaled to each other on what to do. So one stepped in a hall, ready to attack, only for Husk to be there behind him and shoot. The light it made showed the silhouette of the person falling to ground. The last shooter got anxious, shooting everywhere they went. By the time they got to the kitchen, the stove having a small fire on it by now, the shooter needed to reload. That was the chance Husk needed to shoot them.

Now that the chaos was over, Husk was walking out, the piece of roof over the front porch eventually falling as he did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't want to wait until the next Sunday to show cool crap


	3. First Meeting

Chapter 3 - First Meeting

In Kansas City, Angel was being dropped off by him latest date, Travis. Angel got out of the car and walked away.

Travis saw this and asked, “Are-aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

“But I bought you dinner!”

Angel just ignored him as he went. He got inside his home and closed the door behind him, placing his foot on the door for a moment as he took off his coat. However, Angel just dropped it on the floor as he walked further into his house. He began to strip himself of his lighter coat and drop that on the floor, too, approaching the refrigerator.

“Wow. Just... wow.” Then Angel opened the refrigerator and took a soda from one of its shelves. “And ya still married. Awesome.”

Angel opened the can and took a drink from it. Then he placed it down on the counter, taking off the outer layer shirt as he continued. “I don’t know how the fuck my landlady didn’t know but ya so as hell ain’t…”

Angelwalked into another room, dropping the shirt behind him on the floor once again. He also passed by Husk, who was deeper into the hallway.

Husk announced that he was there by going, “Hey.”

Angel stopped in his tracks, in the middle of drinking his soda when he registered the sound of another person in his place. One may have thought he was going to do a spit-take but he gulped it down instead. Then Angel shakily steps back and turns his head from where he heard that ‘hey’. Sure enough, there was Husk, looking very much stiff and awkward.

“Hey, it’s me. Husk.” A bit of silence, no doubt Angel trying to process what’s happening. Then, “the avocado?”

Then Angel immediately threw the soda can at Husk, who had dodged it. Angel ran for a nearby potted plant, which he grabbed and threw at Husk.

As he was doing that, he voiced, “why are ya here? Get outta my house!”

Husk dodged the plant, too. Then Angel reached for a tall, decorative candlestick on the coffee table.

“I fuckin’ told ya ta call first!” Angel got on top of the table the candlestick was placed.

“Hey! I’m not going to fucking hurt you! Will you just fucking listen to me!? Please?”

Seeing that there’s candles on the candlestick, Angel swiftly yanked them from off and threw those at Husk, too. This time, the candles did make their mark, making Frank go, “stop that!”

Angel was yelling at Husk to stay away from him until, by the last candle that wasn't thrown yet, he noticed something and stopped.

Angel pointed down as he asked, “Is that my bag?”

Husk followed the line of sight, seeing the soft pink wheel luggage with pig snout buckles that he had handled when he got to Angel’s house.

Husk answered, “yeah.”

“Did-did ya packed it?”

“Yeah.”

Apparently now inspecting the carpeted floors, swerving his body around a bit, Angel asked, “did-did ya vacuum?”

“A little, yeah, it was messy.”

Angel began to back away, getting on the couch close by and telling Husk to get back and to get out.

Meanwhile, Husk pleaded, “Please, we have to fucking leave. Right now.”

Then Angel began shouting for help.

Husk tried again, “Will you just fucking listen to me, please? Someone is trying to kill me.”

“Help! Intruda!”

“What are you fucking doing? Listen to me! They’re trying to kill you, too!”

Angel ceased shouting and demanded, “Why would anyone wanna kill me?”

“Because we’ve been under surveillance; they’ve been listening to our conversations.”

“Why?”

A pause before, “Because of the way I talk to you.”

“What?”

“They know that I kind of, sort of, like you. At least, uh, more than most other people.”

There were then sounds of a car parking, making Husk move to look out the window. Sure enough, there were, once again, a trio of armed shooters.

Turning to Angel, Husk said, “Listen to me. Back door, right fucking now.”

“No fuck way! No!”

**Author's Note:**

> Now if anyone's looking forward to the sequel parody, I do want to post it when I'm done with this parody. Unfortunately, the combined amount of characters for the two R.E.D. movies is just a little more the current amount of combined characters of Hazbin and Helluva. So I'm gonna have to wait for extremely highly like new Helluva Boss episodes to introduce new characters
> 
> Double-checking the first chapter post, I ended up missing some names I was supposed to change, like Frank to Husk, and I could have still missed some. Please tell me about that, too, not just incorrectly used pronouns


End file.
